Watching the Queens Speech Part 1

Sat here watching the queen’s speech, due to how this country is going, I am finding it hard to watch so have added some humour into it, especially with partner on a day off who A. doesn’t want to watch it and B. Is more a republican than a monicist.


Cars arrive, with the crown jewels:
Me: OOhhh that guy is finding it hard to get out the car
Partner: That is because he is wearing a big fuck off sword
Me: But that guy didn’t have any trouble

Partner: No that is because he is tiny compared to that guy

Watching the queens guard walking the crown jewels in
Me: Do you think that when they join the army and have the honour of serving the queen part of them thinks. Those hats look fabulous

Camera panning round the House of Lords. Lots of Lords wearing big coats.
Me: I hope they have good air conditioning in there.


*sitting watching*
Me: Fucking hell we have a state trumpet, who the hell arranged for a state trumpet. Shouldn’t we update it for a guitar, or a sax

Me: Why does the queen have 3 cars, her carbon footprint must be massive, its a nice day, surely she could walk

Me: Did some guy just yell out daaa oo. Are they going to do that song from beetlejuice

Me: Why are they no camera in the ruby room. I want to see the Queen sit down, throw her shoes off and go “Charles, why the fuck do we have to do this”

(my partner is still here, but he doesn’t seem to care, but I am keeping myself amused)

Me: That guy looks like he is shitting himself carrying that crown






Posted in In the news | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Queen’s speech part 2

Commentator: Will there be any word from Dennis skinner

Dennis skinner: Get a move on we need to get to Ascot
Me: yep there he is

*MP’s walk in*
Me: Twat, twat, idiot, twat, like him, fucking idiot. bawbag, wankengine,

*guy offering speech*
Me: I wonder if the queen thinks yes peasant down on your knees.

*Queen* We need the strongest possible leadership to leave the european union
Partner:*impression of the queen*  That you fucked up

Queen: Every child goes to a good school
Me: Tell your fucking government that

Queen: We will improve mental health services
Me: *Laughing histerically*

Queen: We will strengthen our bond between England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland
Me: Not if the DUP deal goes ahead

*camera pans*

Me Boris is jumping around, bet he wishes he went to the toilet before hand

Me: Why do you think they need such a big bag for such a little speech

Me: I don’t get why they have a throne there, its only ever going to be used when she is there, she is not allowed in unless she is invited in. Its not like she is going to say one day, “Phillip, lets pop in on the House of Lords and see what speeches are going on for a giggle. We can take the ferrari”
Partner: There is a lot that I don’t get about royalty, just because it worked once doesn’t mean it still works.

Me: Several days of debate over that 7 minute speech. Do these people not have anything better to do
Partner: That would be them doing their job


Posted in In the news | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Its late and I know it

As I write this, this is the day Britain decide which government they want and God there has been loads of shit going around.

I am still not certain about who to vote for, but I can tell you if you are between 18-25, those polls that you keep hearing about don’t include you.

You do not vote. You are in the minority and this logic is so wrong, you should be the ones we are fighting for, politicians should consider you the most important but they don’t, because you don’t get out there and vote. Stop and think it might not effect you now, but if you want children it will do, if you want a house it will do, if you want a university degree it will do, if your body or brain decides to fail on you it will do.

STOP taking it for granted other people will do you the favour of doing what is best for you, they won’t.

Best example I have, my sister has a 5 year old and an 8 year, we went there for Christmas we had a 2 year old, do you think anything in her house was childproof, fuck was it. I spent Christmas day preventing my son from either burning himself on something or breaking something, because once you live it you forget it.


The older generations don’t give a shit, you have to fight for what you want and not rely on a generation who have lived through it and forgotten it.


Get your arse out there and vote, vote for something that you believe in because I can tell you now no one else will.


Posted in In the news | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Stolen from facebook

A friend of a friend has written this on facebook and gave his permission to share it. This is from Ed


It’s Mental Health Awareness Week.

I’ve written that down, and I’m staring at it. I want to write something that encompasses that experience. I want to write something that will help those outside to grasp what that means to those of us inside.

I don’t know if I can.

You either get it, or you don’t. Until you’ve actually been on the other side of that veil, you’ve genuinely got no idea how incredibly debilitating it is. That’s sort of where the whole mental health stigma springs from, I suspect, the root of the attitude that people should just get over it.

Trust me, if we could, we would.

I would dearly like to be able to dig my way out of this by myself. I would love to wake up in the morning and not have to check how many spoons I’ve got before I even get out of bed. I would love to be able to live without the deafening roar of my own thoughts turned against me, the constant background static of anxiety and second guessing that clutters my head. I would love to spend just one day not battling with my self-esteem, not desperately seeking just one small fraction of hope or proof that life is actually worth the colossal effort it seems to take just to get through each day.

I would like to be able to pick up the phone without it being a struggle to break through the wall of silence that depression wraps you in.

I spend so much energy keeping myself together, keeping myself going, that you’d think I’d sleep like the dead each night. Yeah, not so much. Depression, anxiety and mental health issues also tend to induce insomnia, so you go to bed tired, and wake up tired, which as you can imagine really helps the following day.

And I can explain this until I’m blue in the face, but it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t look ill. I don’t, generally, act ill. I laugh, I dissemble, and I hide. I wear my game face every day because it helps me cope, and because I have to.

“How are you?”

Well, my life feels like a train wreck, my internal monologue is generally screaming noise that fails to distract me from the gaping void inside me, and quite frankly, getting hit by a bus would be a mercy.

“I’m fine.”

It’s not all doom and gloom. There is professional help available, and the drugs do help. There are people around you, whether you realise it or not, who DO get it, and who will try and help the best they can. It is possible to talk to someone like that even if it’s just to lance the sense of isolation it all tends to breed in you. I’m fortunate enough to be surrounded by friends who understand, and who do their best to help, and I’m incredibly grateful for that, even when I don’t seem it. Trust me, if your friend is low, they appreciate you making the effort to bridge the gap, even if it doesn’t seem that way. Every little bit helps, and please don’t ever stop making the effort… every little shred of it is a lifeline to someone literally drowning in their own head.

To others in my position: start talking to people about it, and don’t stop. The silence kills, quite literally. Once you start talking, you’ll be a little startled by how many people turn around, and say “Yeah, me too”, or have a family member, a friend, affected by it. I was. It helps. You’ll also be startled by how much easier it gets to talk about it, and how much that eases the burden.

I’m not looking for sympathy here. This is not a “Poor Me”. Part of dealing with this is treating like any other long-term illness. It’s not going away by itself, so I have to acknowledge it, and treat it accordingly. I have to be aware of how it influences me and my reactions, my interactions with other people. I have to own it, because ignoring it doesn’t work, at least not for me. Compared to two years ago, I’m head and shoulders above where I was, my quality of life is much improved, thoughts of suicide pushed to the back where they belong.

But it’s Mental Health Awareness Week, and I honestly couldn’t let that go by without saying:

“Yeah, me too.”

Posted in Mental Health | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Magnificent Seven *Spoilers*

I watched this film last night, magnificent seven.


What a load of shit, they all fucking died at the end. (This would be the spoiler)

No they never died at the end, I don’t care if the producer wasn’t doing a remake, they shouldn’t of fucking died at the end.

It has really annoyed me.


As you all were

Posted in Mental Health | 2 Comments

Bad timings

After nearly three weeks off my son went back to school last week, fantastic a time to catch up.

This week, we had a bank holiday in the UK on Monday, we were meant to have a day of fun, but my son started saying he wasn’t feeling well and followed this up by throwing up twice, by the time my partner came home, I was started to feel unwell as well.

This meant my son had Tuesday off, I did think about sending him into school on Wednesday, so I could die a slow death, but his temprature was so high, and he was still complaining he was unwell, plus its normally 48 hours after someone has thrown up that you can send them back. This would be all well and good apart from today

Today is polling day and our council uses the school as a polling station, meaning its shut.

This annoys me on 2 levels, one its bad timing and two it really annoys me that if I take my child out of school for any other reason than he is sick, I get a £60 fine, but the government who set this fine up, get to choose to have children off because its cheaper than renting a place.

Maybe if the council had to pay each parents costs, they would stop using schools.

It has also annoyed me because my son has been ill, so is only going to be going into school on one day.

Plus side in all of this is when telling my son about having to vote and why is first question was mummy am I going to be in charge? Looks like my plan for world dominaion through him is going well.

Anyway if you are in the UK and have voting go on in your area. Go and vote, don’t care who you vote for, but you can’t complain about the state of the roads, healthcare in your area, bins or anything local if you haven’t spent 10 minutes of your day putting a cross in a box.

And if you are not sure who to vote for, I would say Lib Dems, mainly because the Conservitives are bastards and Labour are unorgainised. Neither is doing their job and its time for a massive change. Actually if you want a massive change vote for the Green party and make my friend C happy.

Posted in family | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Being on the Tory slide

With all the political unrest in Great Britain I have been trying to think how to explain, why I don’t think the Tory party is any good for the UK, don’t get me wrong, I am not a fan of the Labour Party either.

However being under the Tory party is like being on a slide.

Imagine a slide is flat, one end attached to the ground and the other end is attached to a massive crane, as the crane starts to lift the slide, people start sliding down. Those at the bottom are the poorest, they have the least to slide because they know the shit storm that is coming. The problem starts when those closest to the top, those that voted for the Tory party, who believed in what they are saying starts to fall, they have the longest and steepest way to fall.

That ladies and gentlemen is being under the Tory party and to be fair probably the Labour party as well, possibly the Lib Dems, definitly UKIP and I am going to put the Greens in there as well.

But I dislike the Tory party more at the moment.


Posted in In the news | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments