Weekend Share #24

Wow this week went quick and since I have had a crappy week with everything breaking down. I am looking forward to this weekend’s share.

Lets get ready to party

blog party1

As everything is life there are rules, if you are new or just need reminding here they are

Rules are very simple,

  1. You can share up to five links
  2. They can be a post, your blog, someone elses post or blog
  3. You can comment on here from now till 11.30pm on Friday evening (GMT time)
  4. I shall start sharing from Midnight Saturday till 11.30pm Sunday (GMT time)
  5. It can be anything you want, however I will have final say if I think its is classed as an ism (racism, sexism etc)

If you would like to tweet, share, or reblog and get more people involved then go for it. Otherwise don’t be shy, you have nothing to lose by sharing something.

So if you have a post that you want more exposure, or maybe even your blog. Maybe you have seen someone elses post and thought I need to get that out, then share it. Its all a good giggle.

Just to add on this, don’t worry if you don’t follow me, just add a link, I love reading new blogs, you will still get approved (as long as you have followed the rules) and then reblogged, so if you have taken a look at my blog and thought, not something I am interested, well you are weird, but thats your choice, but your blog or link might interest another one of my followers.

Posted in share weekend | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 45 Comments

*Reblog* Hee

Posted in Reblogging | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A question for you?

Lets try and lighten it up after the last couple of posts.

What would you like to see on this blog? Anything or is it perfect. Anything you would like to see less of, more of.

I have lots of ideas going through my head, maybe doing some type of question series type thing.

Ok I say ideas, more I had a thought and went ooohh that seems like a good idea and it never progressed from there, so no actual thought has gone into it.

But since you guys read my stuff, I feel it fair to open it up to you. Is there anything I could improve on (apart from spelling and grammar)

Give me your thoughts. Don’t have any? Thats great, tell me how you are instead 🙂

Posted in blogging | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Suicidal thoughts

I want to start this off, by saying these are just thoughts, I have no intention of actually doing any of them and to add I also have an app with my doctor on Thursday to talk about these.

I mentioned a while ago about the thoughts that I had going through my brain, they actually quietened down recently and I was managing to go along with life, they have come back, as loud and as formed as they were before.

I am also worried, that some of them involve my son now. Only one or two but certainly enough for me to go what the fuck, its difficult to explain, its not so much the thought of hurting him, but more it would be better if he didnt know how shit this world is.

I can cope with suicidal thoughts about myself, I have dealt with those for years, my son however, is a different matter. The first time that thought popped into my head, I debated taking myself straight down to a&e and getting sectioned no matter how difficult that might be.

I want to make it clear I love my son, I would never do anything to harm him, I am not sure where these thoughts are coming from and it is scaring the fuck out of me. Because since that thought popped up, my sucidial thoughts have gotten a lot worse, maybe its Frank’s way of finding a new tact to make me finally do it. Who knows, I have taken to writing them down as soon as I have them, I want to make it clear to the doctor that I have no intention of doing anything, but I am scared of what is going on in my own head, its terrifying having these thoughts in your head and not knowing where they are coming from.

I am lucky, I know I have people to talk to, writing here helps a hell of a lot. I find people are worried when they talk about these type of thoughts, the worry that their children will be taken away, as they might be in danger and to be honest, writing this is scary. But I would rather die than hurt monkey. I just hope my doctor can do something, I am getting tired of fighting my own brain.


P.S told you some heavy posts were coming

Posted in Mental Health | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 44 Comments

*Reblog* Hee hee

Posted in Reblogging | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

*Reblog* Happy St. Patrick’s Day

I know its late, but it really made me chuckle

bluebird of bitterness

View original post

Posted in Reblogging | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A serious one

I have touched on this before, but it is effecting us now more than ever and I know a lot of people are effected by it, but its one of those things you just don’t talk about.

Its money, when you are struggling, the thoughts are there, that maybe if you get another job or its your fault in some way, or if you talk about it then you are asking for handouts or for people to give you money, so people stay silent and struggle on as best they can.

However this is happening to myself and my family at the moment. I am doing the best I can to get better, but its not my fault I have mental health issues, I didn’t ask for them, I certainly don’t want them. I suppose my partner could get another job, but you know what. Everytime, he works more hours, or gets a payrise, our benefits go down and its not like he earns an extra hundred so our benefits go down by an extra hundred. He earns an extra hundred and we lose two hundred. Its the simple version but basically that is what is happening.

I am not asking for handouts, I am after an ear to bend, people who understand. Maybe try and get someone who thinks this is in someway mine or my partner’s fault (or someone in our position) that its not, its a shitty system, wages are not rising in line with inflation. What a weekly shopping use to cost me £40, now costs me £60 and my partner is not getting a £20 week payrise and never has.

I am trying to do the best for our family, and for those who don’t know, we had our son when we could afford him, yes it was going to be tight, but managable, neither of us was expecting me to have a mental break down and my partner having to quit to look after our son because I wouldn’t get out of bed.

Our main priority is to make sure our son is fed and he has heat and a roof over his head. This at times, has meant that one or the other of us hasn’t eaten, my next priority is to make sure my partner eats, he could work a 12 hour shift and he needs to get energy. Heating and electric are up there as well, our electric gets cut off, ok we won’t have a tv or the internet, or lights, these are actually things we could live without. The fridge and the oven however are important. Heating in this weather is also a must, my house is cold as it is, without heating it feels like it is warmer outside.

These all cost money, which is something we have limited of. Rent is our biggest expense and something we are struggling with, we fail to pay our rent, then the landlady can evict us and the council will find us intentially homeless, so will not house us in an emergency, social services will have to find somewhere for my son, probably in a foster house. That is not something I want to think about. This is obviously the worse case but the fact it could happen.

I am not writing this to get sympathy (feel free to though) but to state the simple fact that we, along with millions of other families are struggling, to the point that we could lose our house and we have bills mounting up that we are just unable to pay. Am I ashamed, of course I am, I am sick with worry, as much as I joke around, we get money in, it goes straight out to pay as many bills as possible, but there is not enough to go around.

We will figure a way, I am sure we will because unlike some we have options available to us, as soon as I get better, I can work, in the meantime, I am searching for something I might be able to do, but when you never know what mood you are going to wake up in the morning its a tad tough.

Posted in budgeting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

*Reblog* How To Mom

Posted in Reblogging | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments