Let’s begin

So I am writing this to vent my frustatration with the whole system. I would like this to start going viral, for the simple reason that the British public need to understand what the disabled go through to get a few pounds from the government, but I doubt that will happen.

A little bit about me. From 12 to the age of 29 I have always been employed, never had a day sick, and in my hayday I worked 6 jobs because I could. I have one child.

I will also say, I was a 60 cigarette a day smoker and a 3 bottle a day wine drinker. When I found out I was pregnant I quit the drink; and God that was hard, and I also cut down on the smoking. I went from 60 to between 10-15, not great but better, and due to an addictive personality (which if you want to research is not reconignised but believed to happen particularly to people who are bi polar, but I will come to that) was a challenge.

I had a blip when I was pregnant and had time off sick due to developing a fear of crowds in addition to anxiety.

I got over it, with a lot of counseling and CBT, once again became a working member of society.

In September 2013 I went down hill. I was still managing to control my anxiety and at this time I worked part time as a self employed person. I enjoyed my job, but the anxiety started to take over and eventually I could no longer leave my house. In November 2013 my world crashed down around me when I had a miscarriage, this is when life was bad and I started to self halm, and contemplated suicide.

When my partner discovered me with a knife to my arm he made me go to the doctors and get on anti depressants, since then there have been ups and downs.

I saw a consultant in January who said I was mildly depressed and my sleeping (3 hours at most a day) and eating (one meal a day) was normal. My regular doctor basically laughed at that report.

In March, our savings were running low, my partner had been part time for a while because I was incapable of looking after our son. So I applied for PIP (DLA), we also applied for Housing Benefit.

We are now about to hit October I am still going through hoops in order to claim housing benefits. ESA have only just got round to looking at my claim. This is due to me informing them I haven’t been assessed. PIP is still a pie in the sky dream. I can’t work due to anxiety and depression. The doctor has no idea what is wrong with me, and the crisis team are now finally working with me. I think I know what is wrong with me, and have told my counselors many times. I want to be assessed, but who knows. I am a genuine claimant who has worked hard and now need to rely on a system that is so flawed I might lose my house.

The only thing I ask from anyone who reads this is please share this with your councilor, your MP. I know I am not the only person in this position and I am tired of the newspapers only reporting on people who cheat the system, when there are so many more suffering because of it.

If I can  just make one small difference with my life it would to make it fairer to those who suffer from a disability, be it physical or mental.

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8 Responses to Let’s begin

  1. Pingback: Blog Appreciation Post | itsgoodtobecrazysometimes

  2. rhymingwithwine says:

    Such a powerful opening piece. You must be so proud to see how your blog had grown over this year. Congratulations x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. sonniq says:

    I think the only way to read this is to start at the beginning. Things get lost if you don’t when it’s basically a chronological story. One thing I wanted to say. I’m not bipolar, but I’ve had more than my share of medical problems to deal with and I know the hassle of needing to get benefits to survive and how they can make you feel as though you are lying to get freebies, so you only get enough to buy essentials ( no TP and paper towels in the same month! or shall I say, TP and PT? That’s a good one!) I am also very aware of what an addictive personality is. I get addicted to everything I do, good and bad. But it makes my life more interesting, I think, because I give myself permission to do the things I want to do. I don’t ask permission or forgiveness. At least, the older I got, my risks were not as self destructive, although I’m paying for that behavior now. So onward . . .

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: My most popular posts of 2015 | itsgoodtobecrazysometimes

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