Well I just don’t

In a few hours, I shall have a medical person here to assess me from ATOS and quite frankly I am dreading it. It took me nearly two months to explain to my doctor how I felt. So trying to explain how I feel to some random stranger so I can get some money to live, feels wrong.

I don’t know if I feel like this because there does seem to be a whole stigma attached to mental health, when I was chatting to F about it, I explained that I feel like a fraud because at the moment I feel so good, the not being able to go out in big groups is still there, but I am dong bigger and better things. Her words (F is a very wise lady) was “don’t feel bad about having a good day. Everyone has a good day,  you need to base it on your worse days.” This is very true and I have thought about it. “Normal” people when having a bad day might wake up and think God I don’t want to get up, but force themselves have a shower. My bad day would be spent trying to give a damn about a small child, through no fault of his own, I just don’t care, I don’t want to go out, I don’t want to leave the house, thinking about leaving the house is enough to make me vomit.

So it could be the stigma, although I personally do have another reason, I dislike talking about it, I just don’t.  have mentioned my friends alot through this, but I don’t tend to mention my family. I have a great family, who are very supportive but just don’t (in my mind) understand and I feel a lot of the time they just don’t believe me, but then I feel a lot of people don’t believe me because I have learnt to put a face on it. Also I am paranoid, to me a disability is something you can see, I, along with millions of other people don’t have that. I am also one of THOSE people who when you ask how I am I say fine, ok, so, so I just don’t talk about it.

So I am dreading this meeting, because I have to be open and honest if we want to be able to live and pay bills, but it is my nature not to want to talk about it

This entry was posted in ATOS, Benefits, disbaility, family, Mental Health and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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