Ok, ok, so its been a while, I hadn’t forgotten about doing this, but Christmas with a two year old kinda took over. I literally have not stopped and only now am catching up, so it might be a few long posts coming out.
First I hope each and everyone of my readers had a great Christmas and a good New year and I hope this year will bring you all you deserve.
For myself, I am only looking forward to the next day. You see, I am on a new drug and it seems (touch wood) to be working, although I have been through this before where the drug takes effect very quickly. Before I go on, Anti Depressentants usually take between 4-6 weeks to kick in and take full effect, with me, what I have found is they kick in about a week, I am not sure whether this is the drug or maybe placebo effect, but then they wear off with six’s weeks. But all I can do is wait and see what happens.
Now lets chat about my favourte subject, benefits, lots going on here. I recieved a letter from PIP (personal independance payment) asking me to phone ESA and get them to send all the notes they took to me, so then I could post them all onto PIP. This was the final straw for myself, for the last four weeks, ATOS had been telling me all I needed to do was phone ESA and get them to email PIP the information. This has wasted four weeks of my claim, so I emailed my MP, I was that angry and now am awaiting a reply and seeing what else if anything they can do.
On top of this, we had a housing benefit review on the 23rd December, which put me into a massive panic over Christmas. My OH had recieved his promotion but we had no evidence on it, but we had been honest and said he had been promoted. But then we recieved a letter from the council telling us that our HB benefit had been increased we just needed to provide the information they required and that we had a month to do so.
This was not quite the case, due to my OH getting this promotion and getting a pay rise, the lady had gone back to the council and they had automatically suspended the claim, thus leaving us without a good proportion of money this month. We have just gotten back from the council offices explaining that he had just gotten the promotion and we had no payslips to prove this or a letter. apparently because we mentioned it, we have to prove it or prove he doesn’t have one.
I literally want to hit my head against a brick wall. Last night was the first night in a while were I was seriously thinking of killing myself. Just to get myself out of this nightmare,
I wish I could work, I wish I could go out without either being manic or having a panic attack. I wish I could go into a group full of people and not have a panic attack. I wish I was normal but I am not, this is not my fault this is a chemical embalance in my brain and everything I can do I am doing. Its not like I am ignoring it. I am taking the drugs, I am seeing the doctors, I am going through therapy. There is not much more I can do