My depression cycle

I often mention my depression cycle, and just wanted to try and explain it a little better. Since I have been trying to find the answers to what goes on in my head, I have been trying to see if other people go through the same thing and I find that while certain people can relate to certain things, they can’t relate to the whole thing and I believe that is due to a few things. Depression is a very personal thing, it beats you down and some people it can take days to crack and others years. I also find that it depends upon coping mechnaisms and on your personal life. For example a young single man of 20 when depressed, might stay in bed for days because he can and that is how he deals with it. For me a thirty something woman with a toddler. Staying in bed is not an option unless my partner is about. Which is why I often call my child my life line without him I do believe I wouldn’t shift out of bed during my bad days. I also believe that my period has something to do with my lows and highs

With that out the way onto my depression cycle, just to remind you I have slight OCD, depression, anxiety and am going through the motions of getting a diagnoises of rapid cycling bi polar.

So I can from manic to crashing in quite quick succession but what I have noticed is that I have a few days when I know I am going downhill and those days are horrible because I can see it happening and no matter what I try to do I end up finding it difficult to get out of bed, I have had some success when I have battled it and have lasted an extra couple of days.

I often spend time pushing people away, trying to get rid of them, getting angry, and I do get angry with people for things that they have no clue. And I will be rude on those times to get them to piss off. I am now left with such a great group of friends that they tend to ignore me and every so often poke me with a stick to see how I am, because after the anger does come the crash

After the crash/depression I suddenly find that I can getting out of bed in the morning is easier. I am not doing a battle in my own head with depression vs OCD, which is a horrible cycle, I need to clean the lounge but it just seems like to much of a struggle

So that is that in a nutshell, like I said some people might get bits of it, it might happen like that for some, but for those people we probably deal with it differently.

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2 Responses to My depression cycle

  1. M says:

    I’m just going through your posts, as I have missed so many in the last few weeks BUT: Look at this cycle. It’s exactly the same cycle my therapist showed me a few months ago. I am lucky that the meds worked for me, and they give me the strength to tell the cycle to go f itself. Aren’t you getting any support from your MH team?

    Liked by 1 person

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