I am finding these emotions very exhausting to handle, I wish my brain could make its mind up.
Although maybe its because of my brain I am having all these emotions.
Imagine if you will two friends chatting about you in a pub. One called Jim says you should be feeling down, you don’t deserve to be here, you are worthless, fat and ugly, you are not to be trusted and a truly horrible friend, partner and parent.
Then you have the other friend called Bob, who says actually you are a fairly decent person, and no one should feel like that and people would miss you if you were not here, you are worth much more than Jim gives you credit for and are in fact very trustworthy and Bob has found you a great friend and a brilliant parent.
They take it in turns to buy a round of drinks and first up to the bar is Jim and when he goes up Bob is left to think about what Jim has to say and it makes him sad. When bob goes up Jim thinks about what Bob has said and he then starts feeling happy about knowing you.
That is my brain but without the booze