down we go and woosh up again

This morning I woke up in a very down mood, literally my first thought was I can’t keep doing this, I don’t want to wake up everyday. The voice of hurting myself was loud and clear and I closed my eyes and just didnt want to get up, but I forced myself.

My partner, had gotten up this morning with our son, done the dishwasher, and taken him to nursery, so had earned a gold star.

I sat down on the sofa and thought I should really do those exercises. Yesterday I didn’t do them because I really vouldn’t be arsed, but yesterday I didn’t do anything. I did the basics round the house, but that was only because my OCD traits made me, it was either doing it or the stomach churning anxiety on not doing it.

But yesterday was a non day, I didn’t blog, I didn’t catch up with my emails. I didn’t do anything, well I built a tower with my son and wrapped Mr Bunny up in a bandage because he had hurt his foot.

Anyway, back today, so I am sitting there with thoughts of self harming in my head and suddenly think fuck it, I am going to do these fucking exercises. So I managed it, and the pain of doing them put the voice to the back of my head.

And now, well now I am back up and it looks like we will be hitting mania land very soon.