The other day, my son came up to me and said mummy. I’m sorry I make you sad.
My two year old, who probably saved my life, made me face my mental problems, by just exsiting, said this to me and it broke my heart. I have always tried my best, as has my partner to keep my mental problems from him, to him I am just mummy. I always figured that as he got older and looked at other families he might click that mummy is a little different from other mummy’s. I just wasn’t expecting it so soon.
I tried to explain to him that he didn’t make me sad at all, he made me very happy and he always made me smile, but it got me thinking, I spend more time with him than anyone else. My partner works full time, so for 40+ hours a week, I obviously not with him, I can wake up with my son at 7am and be with him till he goes to bed between 7pm and 8pm. And it is rare he naps so, I am with him all the time.
So the poor lad, has seen me manic, has seen me when I don’t want to get out of bed and lounge on the sofa, we probably have had more PJ days than most. He understands that mummy has a routine and he is happy to let me get on with it. Because morning is clean day and afternoon is fun time.
I wish I knew what the answer is, I don’t understand the majority of the time what is going on with my head, so how am I meant to explain it to a 2 year old. I do wish at times he came with a manual, telling me what to do.