As we head towards Christmas, I am reminded of when I had my miscarriage. I wrote this a year ago and thought it was worth a reshare
I call this post a bit different from the norm because its not a rant about benefits, more a rant about my mental health and maybe something that is not really talked about in public, I know I certainly used to shy away.
As I said in my first post I had a miscarriage, this was devestating to both myself and my partner, we had been trying for another for 6 months and were really excited about becoming parents again. When I lost the baby I kid you not I had about 13 people all announce their pregnancys. What a bastard, each and every single one of them cut me badly. One of my best friends, announced hers and bless her she was so worried to tell me. Of course I am happy for each and every one of them, but everytime, the first thought that goes through my head is why is it not me. Why am I not getting pregnant, what is wrong with me.
You see the announcements on facebook, if you are a parent on a parenting form, they have expecting……. (whichever month.) In my worse days it got so bad I basically trolled sites to go you fucking bastards. It is not something I am proud of, but I just couldn’t cope. I desperatly want another baby and its not so much having the baby, its the pregnancy, I miss having a little thing inside me that I nutured and kicks me, its that feeling.
Of course in some respects I am “lucky” I never got to know the little bean, it was barely the size of a plum, many other parents go through the whole pregnancy only to have a still born and while I don’t dilute my grief whatsoever, that is some how worse in my eyes.
What I find though is its not talked about. Again I mention my friends, they were fantastic every single one and really helped me out and let me rant and rave. So much so, that a friend I had fallen out with (long story and one which I will probably never go into) contacted me to make sure I was ok, and since then has been in more or less constant contact to check on me.
I just feel like Mental Health is not the sort of thing that is openly talked about, or when it is, it’s belittled. Like you hear people say, well what have you got to be depressed about or come on, shake yourself out of it. The same with miscarriages, you hear well it was only a bigger bleed than normal or it’s not like it was a person. Remarks like these cut to the core when a person is hurting.
Also like mental health you would be surprised to find out just how many people have suffered. 1 in 4 people suffer with a mental health disorder at some time in their life 1 in 7 pregnancy’s end in miscarriage with many more miscarriages happening before the woman even knows she is pregnant.
I just feel that if one of your friends has suffered a miscarriage or a stillborn then try to understand that either way they have lost a baby, something they really wanted. Just like in mental health its not that simple to snap out of it, let them grieve.. It may take days, weeks, months even years but sometimes the pain doesn’t go away it just gets easier. Please don’t assume that because it was just a few months ago they are over it.