I was trying to explain to my phsycologist today a day in the life of me, and I found it difficult to explain, so I thought maybe writing it down might help.
As it stands at the moment, my diagnoises is Bipolar type 2 with rapid cycling bipolar, extreme social anxiety boarding on agrophobia, depression and OCD traits. Plus a massive fear of bees. I think that is everything.
Let me start with the OCD traits, I have no clue what that even means, but for me, I have a cleaning schedule, paperwork and phone calls are done on a Friday, the cleaning schedule is pretty rigid, bedrooms on a Monday, Bathroom on a Tuesday, Lounge on a Wednesday and Kitchen on a Thursday, Floors on a Saturday.
This happens ever week, I also have a time frame I work through, however I have a breakthrough with this since my son started pre school so it changed. And this has actually be a challenge anxiety wise but it has given me some freedom.
But what this means is when I am depressed and not wanting to get out of bed my OCD is there screaming at me to get up and clean, if I don’t do it, I sink even further down, if I do it, I am exhausted. I mean when I am depressed going to the toilet is exhausting so to have to change beds and clean skirting boards is near impossible, but if I don’t do it I want to throw up.
When I am not depressed it is managable, but iwhen I am ts like two polar points arguing for my soul