The real cost of Bipolar

This one is hard to write, because it is totally my fault, I fucked up, Its my partner’s fault as well but its mainly mine, due to this fucking disease.

 

When I go manic, it normally involves me dropping everything, going up to London and spending a bomb.

Last time I did that I spent the rent money and we couldn’t return some of the stuff, like the £120 lunch. We were really screwed, we are already struggling, but this just about tipped us over the edge.

Our landlady owns only this property, she rents it out to add a bit to her pension, so by me not paying is screwing her and I couldn’t do that.

So we did the only thing we could do, which was get a car log loan, this is a massively expensive loan, which is secured on your car.

We hoped we could get some sort of social fund loan, that we could use to pay it off, at a lower interest rate. We were declined for everything, and we couldn’t afford the payments.

The bailiff came round this morning to take the car, this is due to me not owning up and putting my head in the sand.

I have no idea what to do now, they want over £800 to realise the car, it might be worth just letting it go to auction, I am not sure.

But this is the 2nd time something like this has happened and both times have been when I am manic and its horrible, I feel so irresponsible but at the times I just don’t care, or realise, I suppose.

While I dislike the lows I hate the highs, I seem to have less control over them than the lows and something happens.

Both of them take away from my family and while I always want to have a laugh, sometimes there is just no having a joke.

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36 Responses to The real cost of Bipolar

  1. Check out the blog I just started.. We will experience the silent epidemic of depression and self harm together. Thanks!!!

    Like

  2. Cheyanne says:

    You’re very brave for sharing this. Thanks for your honesty.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Me says:

    I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I too spend money on ridiculous things when manic, or at least I did before my partner took charge of money. A few years back we ended up with less than £200 and really struggled to save the £425 for rent because I’d blown £1000 whilst manic…

    Bipolar is a horrible illness, and yes the highs can be just as devastating as the lows, if not more so. I’m thinking of you.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Healthy Not Nuts says:

    Hi There ~ I am sorry for your troubles. It is a good thing that you are taking responsibility, I admire you for that because there are a lot of people out there who would try to place blame elsewhere and you didn’t do that. You mentioned this has happened before? How did you handle it then and can that help you now? Don’t answer me just think to yourself. I hope and pray everything works out, it usually does, in the end. Take care and let us know you are ok when all settles down, ok?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you for sharing – I hope you can get through this x

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I really empathise with you and also commend you for the courage to face up to your shortcomings. I am sure that it must be stressful to realise that sometimes this health situation makes one seem to be out of control. More Grace to you my dear 😇

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Mon ☠ says:

    I am sorry 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  8. ravenwing72 says:

    (((hugs))) I so feel your pain here.x

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Osyth says:

    I feel so sad reading this. Rather late, I’m afraid but I only just started following you having been flatterered by you following me a little while ago. I hope I won’t disappoint you. But back on piste (I’m horribly discursive, forgive me for taking you on a tangental path but I do always revert to the point in the end). So on piste. This makes me sad. You have an illness. And there is no bluddy support. We are seemingly a nation, a series of nations actually because mental health care is beyond dismal in every country I have lived in, that thinks you want to be bi-polar or schizophrenic or have a little light personality disorder. You are the untouchables. You that society just dumps on rather than embracing the fact that we ALL have a modicum of every element of the psychiatric wheel – we are all prone to being down (depressed) or up (manic) we are all a little obsessive, we can all be paranoid and we are all a little bit crazy. It’s just that in some the scales become unbalanced – in your case you have an illness that takes you to the pit of despair and then hurls you into extreme frenzy. And you need understanding and love not just from your partner but from those that can and should help. I wish I had £800 to send you now. Actually I wish I had millions of pounds to send and help everyone but all I can do is read what you write and respond. So I am. And I send warmth and understanding and no need to tell a story (which is rare) x

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Richard says:

    Thanks for sharing this post with me.

    Liked by 1 person

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  13. susieshy45 says:

    Hi Trina,
    I read this just now but don’t beat yourself up- i am not maniac but do end up spending a lot of money on stuff i don’t need and regularly get into trouble.
    Thank God you got a rebate and things are ok once again.
    Susie

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Pingback: As this is a mental health blog | itsgoodtobecrazysometimes

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