I find two of the many things tend to effect my mood and more importantly my mental health are alcohol and sleep.
This might seem a given to most people, its a well known fact that alcohol is a depressant and I have used it in the past to moderate my moods and to sleep, on the whole it does work for sleeping, but it does make my moods unpredictable, and in a lot of cases, makes me more depressed.
Sleep – there is a reason they use sleep as a torture method, at the moment I am either going on 2-3 hours sleep or sleeping through the day, neither of which is great.
What I have found is that I am starting to have vivid dreams of committing suicide, I am use to having suicidal thoughts, they are always in my head, normally its just a little voice barely the sound of a whisper, but in these dreams its like a giant is shouting in my head.
This worries me, I know that on a scale of 1-10 my anxiety is around a 10, which isn’t helping.
I bet you are wondering why I called this post bouncy bouncy bouncy, with depressive thoughts in my world mania is not that far behind and I can feel it coming, while I will happily take mania over depressed. Its still not great, its a bit like feeling like you are a puppet, you can see what you are doing and you can see your arms and legs moving, but someone else is doing the controlling and you are just letting it happen.
Who knows where it goes from here