When I wrote this originally I was doing alright, my anxiety at the moment is dibilitating I thought I would share this again
When I am going though anxiety I find it easy to discuss what is going on in my head and here is the last time I posted about it, but I find depression more difficult, not because I am not wanting to talk about it, but because of the self doubt.
I was thinking about it last night and a thought came into my head. I am not sure how accurate it is, but I am going to give it a go and welcome your thoughts.
Depression is like being in a relationship with someone who mentally abuses you, at first its just every so often, but it grinds at you, being told that you are fat, you are rubbish, no one likes you, you are a rubbish parent, you smell and this goes on for a while, but happening more and more frequently.
Some days you are strong enough to tell this person to leave, to get out, you want nothing more to do with them and thats good but then suddenly you find that they are a great minipulator and have managed to get back into your life and the abuse has started again. At times you might find that they hurt you and that can be a relief from the constant telling how worthless you are.
Your friends, the ones who don’t understand what is happening, don’t know, or who have been minipulated by your partner all they see is that on occassions you are sad but everyone has sad moments. Those that do understand, some support you but can only do so much and then start getting annoyed you are allowing this person back into your life so often and fade away. The last few are there and try but they know its up to you to make the first step.
Eventually one of two things is going to happen, you turn one day and tell your partner that is not happening anymore and you want them to leave. You go and get help and slowly but surely you start turning your life round. But its a battle because your ex partner is always there in your peripheral vision, trying to get back into your life and it is hard because at times you want to give in just to make him stop yelling at you, but you keep struggling through.
The other thing that could happen is that maybe the abuse gets worse and moves onto more physically violence when eventually it gets so bad that is kills you
Now imagine all that but the partner is your own head