My partner got paid and did I have plans for that money.
First thing was first, uniform for my son, this should be an important time for us both, for me sad, for him excitment. He needed new trainers, school shoes, uniform. Plus I had bits and bobs to do and then cause I like saving money, I was planning on getting his feet measured in a very expensive shop and then going to a cheaper shop to get the actual shoes.
I ended up buying his trainers from the expensive shop, but they had money off so I wasn’t too fussed.
However, its never than easy when you have anxiety, first off trying to do this with just my son. When I go out with my partner he is good at keeping me distracted, and looking after my son. And for short trips so is my son, but to be pushed from one shop to another to get all his bits was not fun for either of us.
For people who don’t suffer from anxiety it sounds like a piece of piss. But first of all I have to deal with leaving my house, followed by crowds. Now why they hell you have a small baby and want to get their feet measured in fucking August is beyond me. Get it done in July or September, don’t choose when every child between the ages of 4 -16 are getting theirs done as well.
As my anxiety mounts my anger mounts as well,, my flight or fight is normally fight, kick everyone out the way and get in there. Or my other go to, is just to get up and leave, but this involves dragging a small child, who is not sure what is going on but knows they want to stay.
I am going to say I did it. I managed to get everything done, without a panic attack, my son was fantastic mostly, he had his moments, but he is 4. What I would like is for him to stand still and not move, but in that I live in a fantasy world, there is always something new for him to explore or find. But he did his best and got a macdonalds as a reward.
Of course now its done, I am exhausted. I have a headache that feels like my head is crushing my brain very slowly and the chances of me leaving the house again in the next week, is so remote. I want to build a fort in my bed and never come out.
Its time like these I would like not to be so crazy. The only way this was done without a panic attack was the fact I planned it weeks in advanced, I prepared myself ready but the aftermath is horrible. The mere act of typing is tiring, yet I know to be able to go back to work at some point, I need to push myself to do things I don’t want to.
So that is the point of this post. I did it and on the same day I wrote about it
Lets have cookies to celebrate.