Sometimes late at night I think of you, I shouldn’t, you came into my life when I was very vulnerable, I was trying to put a brave face on it, but it was catching up to me and quickly.
I now look back on our time together and wonder, how I let you treat me like that and then I think it wasn’t my fault. You would call me ugly, berate me for not having my hair just right, you would use me then come back with petrol station flowers and a smile, and I would let you.
And I let you.
You must of known something was off with me, my friends all told you to back away, they told me to back away as well. And yet still I kept letting you in.
And I look back at that time and I wonder how I let you do it. I am a different person now, I know that, I have met a man, who treats me like a human being, he accepts me for my faults and loves me despite them.
We still have friends in common and I have heard what you are up to, I hear you have a little girl and I wonder how you would react if you found out someone treated her like you did me. How would it make you feel, if someone emotionally beat upon your little girl to make themselves feel better.
I started this with the fact I think about you. I do, what I want to do, is walk past you, with my family and show you that the way you treated me only made me stronger. Show you that despite my flaws, which you pointed out in detail, I am happy. The thing is, somewhere deep inside I still am holding on to what you did to me. I didn’t come out of what we had without scars and wanting to walk past you proving something, might make you think you had something to do with it.
It did, but not in the way you might think. I will never let anyone treat me like you did again. I will never allow anyone to treat my children like you treated me, and I will not have my children treat anyone like you treated me.
What you did, was show me how not to treat someone, you gave me that base line and that is all I know need.
The fact I still think of you all these years on, goes to show the impact you had upon me. If you thought or still think its ok to treat someone like you did, this is to tell you its not. You tried to pass yourself off as a gentleman, as a hardworking, decent man, yet I know the real you and its a ugly side.
I didn’t even realise how emotionally abusive you were, but even now I can still hear your snearing voice telling me how I don’t look good enough.
If you are still the same, and I would guess you are, you are going to end up a sad, lonely man.
Goodbye I, this shall be the last time I think of you.