Did you know?

I was once told I have an addictive personality, since then I have done a bit of research on it, its one of those grey areas that doctors are not sure it actually exists.

There has been a lot of research that people with Bipolar often end up addicted to something, so often they go hand in hand.

I have/had a lot of vices, I use to smoke 40 a day, that was tough to quit and I would still happily mug an old lady for a fag.

Those that say it gets easier are talking bullshit.

However I want to talk about booze, in my case wine, I like wine, red although if pushed I will drink white.

I can’t have just one glass, I will drink the whole lot. I believe the term for me is a functioning alcoholic. I wouldn’t get up and start drinking, I could go to work, not bothered about having a drink, as soon as it 6pm, I would be in the pub or down the shop buying lots of wine.

I shudder to think how much I have spent on wine.

It is a drug, and I struggle with it on a daily basis. Not having money helps not buying it, but on those days when you think, I could really do with a drink. Its the type of culture we live in, wine o’clock is very popular in the UK.

Or the phrase, when the kids go to bed I am going to have a couple of glasses to wind down.

I tried that once, two and a half bottles later and a wicked hangover, with a screaming toddler convinced me not to try it again.

I haven’t been to any meetings as such, I have on occassion called the helpline, but that is normally when I am drunk and sad that I am drunk and always on a Friday.

I have lost things due to my drinking, my driving license and my car for starters. Yep I was caught for drink driving, got a ban, the thing is, it didn’t stop me, it actually gave me a license to keep drinking, because now I didnt have to worry about the car anymore.

The logic of an alcoholic.

I stopped when I found out I was pregnant, before then, I was on 2-3 bottles of wine. When my son got older, I did start again, it started off like all things, just the one glass tonight and before I realised it. I was back up to 2 bottles of wine. I had to stop. And I did.

I still struggle and it is hard, but I have found other things to get passionate about, which are a lot less destructive to my health, my life and more importantly to others.

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17 Responses to Did you know?

  1. Wow! Just Wow!! I too have been told that I have an “addictive personality”, this is part of the reason that I haven’t ever done drugs. NEVER, I am terrified that I would fall down the rabbit hole. I quit smoking 4 weeks ago for like the 10th time in the 24 years I was a smoker. I never smoked 40 a day though, the most ever was probably like 15/day. Most recently just 3-5 a day though. Good for you for being honest about…well life!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have never done anything harder than smoking because like you I am terrified of what could happen. It might not happen, but stronger people than me have become addicted in a short amount of time.
      The only way I managed to eventually quit smoking was on tablets and then figuring out what I would rather do, have (at the time) nearly 70% of £14 go to the government (how much tax on 2 packets of cigs) and probably into David Camerons pocket or 25% of £5 (price of nicotine tablets) and then I got to the point of deciding that I wanted nothing to go into that arsehole’s pocket. (I don’t like David Cameron) That was my push but its different for everyone and so very difficult.
      Nicotine, if it was found now would not be sold, it would be put on the dangerous drugs list. It is one of the few drugs that you can get addicted to in a few hours fortunatly thanks to that it is also one of the few drugs you can get unaddicted to in a few days. However the habit is forms is, in my opinion, life long

      Liked by 1 person

  2. itsathought2 says:

    I find I drink to be unconscious. I just want to escape the anxiety and shame. So I drink fast and a lot and alone.
    I am terribly grateful that I have horrific hangovers. The embedded memories of those hangover days pushes the idea of the escape away quite often. Not always but 95% of the time.
    At least 1 or 2x a year I forget enough that I do it.
    I’m glad you have found a better way to cope.
    I hope for a time when that doesn’t feel like a good solution. I think its a sign of how screwed up my brain is at the moment I’m contemplating it. Because its NOT a good solution.

    Liked by 1 person

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  4. Diana says:

    Very Brave sharing! May your addictive personality take a back seat to the personality that beams such interest and followers with her writing, on her blog. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. gm1123 says:

    I know someone close to me I’d consider a functioning alcoholic But I have to realise I can’t diagnose, as I am not the best emotionally health wise. And addictive personality? That is ME. I don’t do drugs, drink socially, it has never affected me to think I have a problem. But I’m a codependent monster, most of the time. Definite addictive personality. It sucks.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You are and have been very brave. COURAGE is the name that comes to mind for your personality and do not let the” experts “tell you otherwise .

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You’ve come a long, long way Trina! And so brave of you to be sharing your stories here. It’s great that you have other passions to distract you from other harm. I share your vice – Philip Morris used to be my bf, too and I still miss him! Badly ;p

    Liked by 1 person

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