I was once told I have an addictive personality, since then I have done a bit of research on it, its one of those grey areas that doctors are not sure it actually exists.
There has been a lot of research that people with Bipolar often end up addicted to something, so often they go hand in hand.
I have/had a lot of vices, I use to smoke 40 a day, that was tough to quit and I would still happily mug an old lady for a fag.
Those that say it gets easier are talking bullshit.
However I want to talk about booze, in my case wine, I like wine, red although if pushed I will drink white.
I can’t have just one glass, I will drink the whole lot. I believe the term for me is a functioning alcoholic. I wouldn’t get up and start drinking, I could go to work, not bothered about having a drink, as soon as it 6pm, I would be in the pub or down the shop buying lots of wine.
I shudder to think how much I have spent on wine.
It is a drug, and I struggle with it on a daily basis. Not having money helps not buying it, but on those days when you think, I could really do with a drink. Its the type of culture we live in, wine o’clock is very popular in the UK.
Or the phrase, when the kids go to bed I am going to have a couple of glasses to wind down.
I tried that once, two and a half bottles later and a wicked hangover, with a screaming toddler convinced me not to try it again.
I haven’t been to any meetings as such, I have on occassion called the helpline, but that is normally when I am drunk and sad that I am drunk and always on a Friday.
I have lost things due to my drinking, my driving license and my car for starters. Yep I was caught for drink driving, got a ban, the thing is, it didn’t stop me, it actually gave me a license to keep drinking, because now I didnt have to worry about the car anymore.
The logic of an alcoholic.
I stopped when I found out I was pregnant, before then, I was on 2-3 bottles of wine. When my son got older, I did start again, it started off like all things, just the one glass tonight and before I realised it. I was back up to 2 bottles of wine. I had to stop. And I did.
I still struggle and it is hard, but I have found other things to get passionate about, which are a lot less destructive to my health, my life and more importantly to others.