Bastard chemistry

So yesterday I was feeling down, today I am up. I am getting use to these changes.

Due to the rapidness of my bipolar, I can go from depressed to manic in 24 hours.

However the powers that be threw in anxiety, which is a bastard.

I took my son to school today, I normally go so we are a couple of minutes late to save standing there with a group of people.

However we got caught up in the older kids going to school, which meant we were all crowded together. Cue a full blown panic attack. Which was unpleasent.

I normally can keep it together, but literally ran home and locked the door, till I had calmed down. Which I still haven’t, the tightness in my chest is still there, the sick feeling in my stomach. It got so bad it hurt

I think most people have some kind of trigger mine is being surrounded by people and in my head I am praying they back off me. I don’t have that one thought that CBT teaches you, I go from fine to panic in 0.000005 seconds.

For my son, I try and keep it together but it was tough. Thankfully though my partner is here today, so can do the outdoor things we need to do, cause I am not leaving this house, unless it is on fire and even then, it is going to be a close run thing.

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8 Responses to Bastard chemistry

  1. Miriam says:

    I feel for you. I used to get full blown panic attacks in the supermarket which was never fun. Take it easy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sparkyjen says:

    It isn’t funny, but people can be personal “space-invaders” and not even realize it. Thank goodness you feel safer at home. My beloved Mother used to say: “Our home should be our haven. I “feel you.” I’m not a crowd person myself. Jumbled masses can be stifling. And I definitely prefer to stay indoors.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think most people don’t even realise. Especially in the mornings, when you are filled with the things you have to do, getting the kids to school, going to work etc

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sparkyjen says:

        You are very brave. Despite the aforementioned obstacles, you still seem to be able to cope; perhaps even better than you give yourself credit for. So, I’m giving you credit ’cause I often read your posts, and believe despite your struggles, you do what you have to do with a strength that often doesn’t seem probable. You do have super powers. Happy Holidays!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you so much, thats a lovely thing to say, put a massive smile on my face.

        I am doing much better, and even though it has taken me far longer than I thought, and I still have a way to go, its getting better. Happy holidays to you as well 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. stephleo says:

    I definitely understand! The more stressed I get, the more anxiety comes. When I have big projects at work or there is a lot going on with my family, I can feel the anxiety and panic rising. Also remember that you are still getting out there and not letting the panic conquer you – which is amazing! Don’t forget to give yourself credit for that!!

    Liked by 1 person

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