I mean, he brings me bills, overdue letters, and very disappointingly letters from the benefit office.
Now I know its not really his fault, he is just doing his job, but since I don’t have a face to put to all the others, he has to take the blame.
The reason I am telling you about my postman, is today he bought me a letter from the DWP (department of work and pensions) basically these people decide my benefits.
I had an assessment a few weeks ago, I understand why they do them, but the do bring an element of extreme stress and anxiety.
They also have a very bad reputation of refusing to allow certain benefits, so that you have to appeal, its something like 90% of all cases are granted on appeal.
However what does this mean for me? It means they have taken me off the support group and into the work focus group.. This would normally be great, except I am not there yet, I still have panic attacks taking my son to school which you can see from my house.
The work focus group involves me going to interviews and looking for work. If I could find a job, with no crowds, that allows for depression and manic days, then I would be doing it.
I don’t enjoy being on benefits, infact I bloody hate it.
So now I have to fight to get reinstated back to the support group and to be honest I just don’t have the fight left in me. Which is probably what they are counting on. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Its times like these that the voice gets loud in my head and I wonder what is the fucking point. The health service is at such a breaking point, that unless you are standing in A&E with your wrists slashed you are not deemed a risk or an emergency, the government is there screaming how much of a waste you are and its hard to keep fighting when half of you agrees and the other half just wants to curl up and pretend its not happening.