I mentioned that I had recently had my PIP assessment, my main problem with it, is what can you do most days. This doesn’t take into account mental health in my opinion.
The assessment that I had mainly concentrated on my depression. Yes it can be a problem, but the main issue I have is anxiety. If you focus on the depression, when I am stable I can cook, clean, wash myself. When I am depressed I can barely move out of bed, I can stare at the ceiling for hours on end. I might be able to shove some fishfingers and waffles in the oven for my son but cooking as such, not a chance. This is also on the assumption that my maternal instincts can override my depression. Of course when they do, I am exhausted for hours after.
When I am manic, I am a cleaning goddess, I can leave my house and tolerate crowds. However the mania side has recently been dampened by my anxiety, which is why I know my anxiety is getting worse.
On a day to day basis I can do everything that the assessment focuses on, the problem being is I can cook, clean, wash myself all without leaving my house. I can run my life without leaving my house. There is, obviously my son. He still needs to get to school and his after school clubs. But if he was older, and could do those things without me, then I might never leave my house.
It makes me trying to get better more difficult. I am trying to make myself do more, I went to the shops today to pick up cat food. I admit, this is mainly due to one of my cats staring at me with a calculated look, wonder if my heart needs to stop beating before he starts to eat me. I did it, I am proud I did it. I am in a good head space to be able to do it.
Tomorrow it might be a different story.