My OCD relates to routine, things have to be done on the same day, at the same time. It can be a mission to change this, it will cause me massive anxiety when things don’t go as I want.
The dog gets walked 3 times a day at the same time. Rooms get cleaned on the same day, paperwork and phonecalls (if I have to) get done on a Friday. We very much live in a routine in this house.
As I mentioned in part one, my partner tries to let me sleep during the day. I would like to reiterate how lovely this is, ok, so if he is on a day off on a school day he doesn’t have to do much, but it does give me peace of mind that he is there and there isn’t a price on that.
However, letting me sleeps distrupts my routine and that causes me massive anxiety. Also on occassion leading me to do things such as still be cleaning the kitchen at 2am. Things have to be done, I try and repeat in my head nothing will happen if it doesn’t get done, but even typing that I can feel my stomach knotting in fear and my breathing getting faster.
There doesn’t seem to be anything in my head as to what will happen, but I think this is one of the reasons CBT will no longer work for me. CBT relies on capturing that first thought on why you are becoming anxious. I don’t have that I go into panic mode in less than a milisecond. I can give you the thoughts afterwards, but not just at that moment.
Do you know what happens when I do get behind, the depression hits. More on that in part 4