A serious one

I have touched on this before, but it is effecting us now more than ever and I know a lot of people are effected by it, but its one of those things you just don’t talk about.

Its money, when you are struggling, the thoughts are there, that maybe if you get another job or its your fault in some way, or if you talk about it then you are asking for handouts or for people to give you money, so people stay silent and struggle on as best they can.

However this is happening to myself and my family at the moment. I am doing the best I can to get better, but its not my fault I have mental health issues, I didn’t ask for them, I certainly don’t want them. I suppose my partner could get another job, but you know what. Everytime, he works more hours, or gets a payrise, our benefits go down and its not like he earns an extra hundred so our benefits go down by an extra hundred. He earns an extra hundred and we lose two hundred. Its the simple version but basically that is what is happening.

I am not asking for handouts, I am after an ear to bend, people who understand. Maybe try and get someone who thinks this is in someway mine or my partner’s fault (or someone in our position) that its not, its a shitty system, wages are not rising in line with inflation. What a weekly shopping use to cost me £40, now costs me £60 and my partner is not getting a £20 week payrise and never has.

I am trying to do the best for our family, and for those who don’t know, we had our son when we could afford him, yes it was going to be tight, but managable, neither of us was expecting me to have a mental break down and my partner having to quit to look after our son because I wouldn’t get out of bed.

Our main priority is to make sure our son is fed and he has heat and a roof over his head. This at times, has meant that one or the other of us hasn’t eaten, my next priority is to make sure my partner eats, he could work a 12 hour shift and he needs to get energy. Heating and electric are up there as well, our electric gets cut off, ok we won’t have a tv or the internet, or lights, these are actually things we could live without. The fridge and the oven however are important. Heating in this weather is also a must, my house is cold as it is, without heating it feels like it is warmer outside.

These all cost money, which is something we have limited of. Rent is our biggest expense and something we are struggling with, we fail to pay our rent, then the landlady can evict us and the council will find us intentially homeless, so will not house us in an emergency, social services will have to find somewhere for my son, probably in a foster house. That is not something I want to think about. This is obviously the worse case but the fact it could happen.

I am not writing this to get sympathy (feel free to though) but to state the simple fact that we, along with millions of other families are struggling, to the point that we could lose our house and we have bills mounting up that we are just unable to pay. Am I ashamed, of course I am, I am sick with worry, as much as I joke around, we get money in, it goes straight out to pay as many bills as possible, but there is not enough to go around.

We will figure a way, I am sure we will because unlike some we have options available to us, as soon as I get better, I can work, in the meantime, I am searching for something I might be able to do, but when you never know what mood you are going to wake up in the morning its a tad tough.

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24 Responses to A serious one

  1. Cyranny says:

    I don’t “like” what I read, but I think it is a good thing you vent it out. I had my years of money struggle, and I know how stressful it can be. Obviously, I didn’t have a child to take care of, which is an extra source of anxiety. Children can’t really understand, and it must be heartbreaking not to pay him everything you wish he would have.

    Hang on, you fabulous you… I know times are hard, and I’m always there if you need anything. Your partner and you will figure a way, I am persuaded.

    Sending you big big big warm hugs! xx

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Pingback: A serious one — Its good to be crazy Sometimes – NabbyThinks

  3. Suze says:

    Are you able to rent out a room in your home to a person wanting a rent-share? that is a possibility unless your lease says you can not. Working more is not the answer since it affects your disability check. I wish I had an answer for you. No, it isn’t easy, it IS frightening, and depressing…none of which helps you feel any better. I hope t gets better for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. KD says:

    I’m sorry you’re going through money issues. I know how stressful that can be and it definitely does not help with mental health issues. I don’t want to make this post/comment about me but I do want to say, I can relate. The system here is really, incredibly broken, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. manyofus1980 says:

    I hear ya trina! good to vent it all out here. I amlistening, I am sending my support, and feeling your pain here too…moneys tight here too…xox

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I hate reading this, and I didn’t want to “like” it either. I’ve been there before. My parents were divorced, I was raised by a single mom. We struggled mightily. I know what it’s like not to know where your next meal is coming from, or whether or not your rent will be paid. I’ve even been homeless myself, many many years ago, but homeless nonetheless. I feel your pain. I wish I had won the lottery last week, and I would be sure to help you out. All I can tell you is keep the faith, and just keep plugging away at it. I’m a firm believer that good things come to good people. Do not give up.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Candice says:

    We too had tough times in our early years of marriage, and our adult daughter, who has mental health issues was not even given enough by Social Services to pay rent on a tiny apartment. We had to subsidize the income that she received from them. Now she is living on student loans, and we are hoping her depression and anxiety do not stop her from finishing her education yet again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Fingers crossed for your daughter, it is hard and everyone in this position needs help not judgement

      Liked by 1 person

      • Candice says:

        Thank you for the nice thoughts. Unfortunately, her social anxiety gets interpreted by some as “stand-offishness”, “weirdness”, or “acting like a drama queen”. That’s judgement, not help, and even some that know about her mental health issues don’t understand depression and anxiety enough to stick with her during the bad times. She has been deserted by many so-called friends. I would love to have the ability to help you and the multitude of others that struggle. I hope you have some strong supporters.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I have some amazing support both on and off line. I know the exact thing you are talking about, I believe those exact things have been said about me in the school playground (when I am picking up my son) by other mums


  8. Some bloggers have found a way to receive payments from advertisers. I think you are skilled enough and interesting enough to do this if you are not already. You might check out Bens Bitter Blog…i think i remember his writing a post where he said he had started offering ads on his site. Good luck….

    Liked by 1 person

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