I can do this

I have scheduled this post, as you read it, I should be meeting up with my new member of my mental health team.

To do this, I would have to take a 15 minute walk into town by myself. As I type this its 10am and I am already so fucking anxious its amazing.

I don’t want to do it, I am not looking forward to doing it, I want to curl up in bed with my pets and not move till I have to go collect monkey.

But that is not what is going to happen, because I am going to do this, its going to be fucking awful, but I am going to do this, you know why? Because I am not going to continue relying on the unstable benefit system, that is causing me more anxiety long term than this short term anxiety.

Of course it could hit half eleven and I am going to change my mind and cancel, if so then you won’t see this post