I know a lot of my posts seem to be about being behind, that is mainly due to my OCD, which although a lot better than it was, still rules part of my life.
When I am not doing what I am meant to be doing or a little bit behind, the anxiety becomes so much worse, the times when I am doing really well, is when everything is in place and the jobs are being done at the right time, its a horrible circle when things are not going well and I can’t concentrate on anything and its one of those things that my partner can’t help me with.
If he tries to help me with any of my jobs, then he “doesn’t do it right” Dont get me wrong, he can hoover as good as anyone, but he doesn’t do it the way I do it, thus the little OCD devil in my head says he is not doing it right and it makes my anxiety worse.
Its best to just let me fuss and do it all myself, spend a day in a tizz, play with monkey and let me crack on with it all.
I did this yesterday and caught up with almost everything but the washing and looking at that, I think I am going to be doing that in my 80’s, but there is little I can do about that and although its not great, I can cope with it as long as, as soon as it is finished, then the next load goes on.
I also want to make it clean, my OCD, although involves cleaning, is not what most people think of, I don’t need to scrub till I am raw, mine is all routine based, I have to do certain jobs and a certain time, probably the best thing I can do to explain it, is using the telephone. There use to be a time, where I wouldn’t use the phone apart from on a Friday, to be honest the internet came in very handy. Now, while I don’t like it, I can do it, it does heighten my anxiety and I need downtime to recover and also need to work my way up to it.