Its my sister’s birthday very soon and she invited us to go and see her, its a 2 hour train journey. What I have done in the past is driven up there, so its only 45 minutes, however we have since sold the car, so it would be a train fare.
Or we could rent a car, but that would actually cost the same, plus a £200 deposit.
I tried to find out as much as I could thinking we could do it to be hit with the fact my partner is working. At the moment, I just can’t do a train journey by myself with monkey.
But it means I am missing out on my sister’s birthday. I told her I didn’t think I could cope and she was brilliant, reassured me that its ok and we will do something another time,
This just brings up a whole load of guilt though. I feel guilty that monkey is missing out, I feel guilty that I am missing my sister’s birthday, I feel guilty that once again my mental health is ruling my life.
There is little I can do this time round. However by next year I will be going up on that fucking train and celebrating with her.
I just got to keep working on it, I am going to talk to my anxiety councillor and see what we can do to work on train journeys. I am getting better with buses on small journeys but I think that is still a problem as well.
Also its not just the journey its the fact I am still reliant on my partner to be with me and that can not be good for him.