Guilt Vs Anxiety

Its my sister’s birthday very soon and she invited us to go and see her, its a 2 hour train journey. What I have done in the past is driven up there, so its only 45 minutes, however we have since sold the car, so it would be a train fare.

Or we could rent a car, but that would actually cost the same, plus a £200 deposit.

I tried to find out as much as I could thinking we could do it to be hit with the fact my partner is working. At the moment, I just can’t do a train journey by myself with monkey.

But it means I am missing out on my sister’s birthday. I told her I didn’t think I could cope and she was brilliant, reassured me that its ok and we will do something another time,

This just brings up a whole load of guilt though. I feel guilty that monkey is missing out, I feel guilty that I am missing my sister’s birthday, I feel guilty that once again my mental health is ruling my life.

There is little I can do this time round. However by next year I will be going up on that fucking train and celebrating with her.

I just got to keep working on it, I am going to talk to my anxiety councillor and see what we can do to work on train journeys. I am getting better with buses on small journeys but I think that is still a problem as well.

Also its not just the journey its the fact I am still reliant on my partner to be with me and that can not be good for him.

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11 Responses to Guilt Vs Anxiety

  1. Carol Anne says:

    hugs. that’s sad. but don’t feel guilty. its really not your fault. you didn’t ask for anxiety. You wouldn’t want to have it if you could help it. I know your sister knows that.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Barb says:

    I’m totally reliant on my husband in order to get anywhere. I stopped driving 3 years ago after a few minor fender benders. The idea of taking public transportation, especially by myself, is terrifying and causes a ton of anxiety. I hate being so dependent on him, but he’s a good sport.

    Like

  3. Aoife says:

    I often miss out on important family events due to my anxiety! I really relate to this post and know how you feel! Just remember that you shouldn’t feel guilt and this is not your fault, (although I know its easier said than done.) Sending well wishes your way!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Being at your sister’s birthday doesn’t make you a good sister – caring enough to want to try does. Guilt can make it really easy to focus on the thing that you can’t do and anxiety for sure is happy to carry along those type of thoughts, but I believe there is always an insight that is more positive. You looked into the train journey, you factored in all different types of possibilities, you have done a lot of work to get to where you are. Don’t focus on the final stretch when you have run a whole marathon already.

    Like

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