One of the main reasons that I had a blip over the weekend, was that I got that dreaded envelope.
The government want to check on me and how I am doing, this sounds lovely but basically what it means is the fight I had last year is now on again.
Myself and my partner have been discussing whether its worth it again, this time round he can’t get the time off to support me, so it is very much all on me. Which sucks.
The thing is, I was hoping that when this came round again I would be in the position to go, alright fuck it I will get a job, but the simple fact is I am not.
I drop Monkey off and remain in a high state of anxiety till I collect him again and then when we get home, I am so exhausted that I just want to sleep.
Weekends are spent with me curled up in a ball trying to recover and get ready for the next week and this is simply unfair to my family.
Do I think a job might help? I don’t know, what I do know is that by coming off benefits would stop me panicking everytime I get something through the door waiting for this damn envelope but the fact I can’t cope with the school run, indicates to me that maybe a full time job is not the way to go