I am really not proud of myself

Today I had my ESA assessment, this is a benefit given to me because I can’t work and I was honestly dreading it, to the point, I think this is the main reason I have not been able to sleep.

I did what any  person would do and got drunk on Wednesday night, so much so, I think I was still drunk when I got there. I am not proud of myself, the assessor probably could tell, I really need another way of dealing with that sort of shit, but getting drunk seemed the obvious solution.

Plus side to this, I slept, I wasn’t half as bad as I might have been. Bad side, I used wine to help me cope with something, which is not a route I want to go down.

I don’t know how it went and looking back, I can’t remember a lot of it, but this is why I still don’t think I am quite there yet, which normal person thinks, christ I have an important meeting, lets get smashed the night before.

Its done now though and little I can change, however its a learning for next time, that its a possibility I could go down that route and with my tendency for addiction its not a road I want to explore.

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10 Responses to I am really not proud of myself

  1. When you are able to write about it, you will be able to come out of it too.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Forgive yourself. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Carol Anne says:

    I think we’d do the same! I know its not ideal, but you managed, you got through it.

    Like

  4. fakeflamenco says:

    Let us know when you hear back. Hope it went well (and it’s over for this year!)

    Liked by 1 person

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