In the news

On the 3rd March at around 9pm a woman called Sarah Everad left her friend’s house to walk home, she rang her boyfriend and spoke to him for about 15 minutes, that was the last time, that we know of that anyone had contact with her.

Reports are now coming in, that her remains have been found and a man has been arrested.

Why am I telling you this? because we need to have a conversation about this, over the weekend I saw comments about the fact she shouldn’t have walked home alone. This is the wrong mindset.

This case has hit hard with me and with a lot of other women, as far as we know Sarah did everything right, she was wearing bright colours, she walked in a lighted area. The simple fact is though, she had a right to walk home without fear of violence

The thing is as a woman I spend my life, trying not to get raped or attacked. The thing is, why is that on women? Should it not be, men should not rape.

Now, I am sure I will get well its not all men. Its not, I know amazing, kind, thoughtful men. But while its not all men It is always a man who rapes and thinks they have a right to a woman.

As a woman, I have been subjected to sexual harrassment, its not because I am the most beautiful woman out there, its baceuse a man has decided that they won’t take no for an answer. That my no is not as an important as their yes.

I should be able to go out into a street without fear of being attacked, but that is not the case for women. There have been cleverer people than myself who have explained this far better than I can do.

But the thing is, I have crossed over the road to avoid someone, I get my door keys out early if someone is behind me, I have made a phonecall to someone just because I felt uncomfortable, that someone was too close.

I have rescued a woman just by talking to her because a man wouldn’t take I am not interested as an answer and I have been rescued by women when I have been in that situation.

But its always on women to solve this, we get told not to go out late at night, not to wear certain clothes, not to drink too much, not to be on our own, when this could all be all solved by saying men should not attack and rape.

An example of this, is when we walk the dog late at night, myself and my partner share it. During the hottest nights, I am still getting myself in a big jumped and a hat while my partner goes out in shorts and a t-shirt. Why do I do this? Because I know its risky for a woman to be out late at night, so I try and hide that I am a woman. But its still a risk for me, as a woman and not my partner as a man

If you are reading this and are a man and thinking well I am not part of the problem, be honest with yourself, have you called out your male friends, when they have cat called, have you used the phrase well boys will be boys.

If you are reading this and are a woman, you are probably nodding your head.

I get into debates on the internet, I have received PMs threatening to rape me, I have had men contact my partner and tell him he needs to control me. This is not a unique situation to just me, this is any woman who stands up for themselves, who has a voice and uses it.

It is time that those amazing, kind and thoughtful men who are not part of the problem, become part of the solution by calling out those men close to them who don’t respect women, who excuse the behaviour by he’s a bit of a lad,

A woman should be able to walk in the streets without fear of being attacked.

My thoughts are with Sarah’s family and friends.

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20 Responses to In the news

  1. I agree 150% with what you say, Trina. I have a sister, a wife and a daughter and I know what I’d do to any man who assaulted or raped them.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. suze hartline says:

    sharing this. it is absolutely vital that the good men out there start taking responsibility too.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Trina is spot on; a reblog: In the news — Its good to be crazy Sometimes – suziland

  4. lhoke2016@yahoo.com says:

    I had many conversations with my daughters about this subject when they were growing up. There are just too many knuckle dragging Neanderthals out there who have no concept of what the word “no” means. I blame a lot of that on parents who were over permissive with their kids…”let them express themselves, let them experiment, don’t put restrictions on them “. I’ve worked with these morons and fired a few too.

    I had a rule about dating…if a guy could get past my killer dog and shotgun he could date my daughter. Tongue in cheek but I did fobide them to date certain boys I had seen out late at night while on emergency runs. The way they were treating the girls tbey were with was appalling. I constantly had to tell my girls to not get into situations they couldn’t get out of safely. It was scary as hell when they wanted to start dating. Your friend Cris and I have very similar thoughts about some goon rapping one of our ladies…there wouldn’t be enough left to throw in jail.

    My prayers to the family.

    Liked by 3 people

    • It might be on the parents, it might be just on the fathers and an ever repeating cycle of abuse that is ongoing. I know there is no simple way of dealing with it, but last year ever 3 days a woman was killed by a man, that is a shocking statistic and probably a lot lower than the actual figures

      Liked by 1 person

  5. The culture of violence we live in is sad. I think some answers to this problem lie in teaching kids about consent, hugging boys past the age of 8, and getting counseling for everyone male and female who has been abused.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. lhoke2016@yahoo.com says:

    Trina, This article really bothered me.  I had to write about it and try to bring the problem some more light to show how serious it is.  I just posted an article called “Response to a Tragedy”.  I hope it helps and encourages parents to teach their sons the meaning of the word “no”, and to have respect for women – beginning at home. We spend more time/money/effort teaching a damn dog the meaning of the word “no” than we do our kids.  We are too afraid of hurting little Johnny’s feelings or self-esteem to bother with it.  Total bull shit. I was kinda grumpy in it, but I hope the message helps.  I want all women who have suffered to stand up – and keep standing.  The more they stand up, the easier it is to see them. Hokey

    Liked by 2 people

  7. joyroses13 says:

    AMEN to what you said and mu heart goes out to the family too!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. KShai1715 says:

    We live in a nearly 100% narcissistic society where balme is on the victim.
    If she got raped/murdered, it’s her fault because she walked alone/at night/wore provactice clothing.
    It’s a “boys will be boys” mentality and women have to defend themselves society of insanity.

    And it isn’t just situations like that. Bullies blame their victims for why they are bullies instead of being strong enough to be responsible for your own behavior. It happens at a “professional” level at work, it happens at social levels…..

    And while most of us know it needs to change, sadly we also know it never will. And it isn’t just a man on woman thing. Women have this mentality too sometimes.

    When I was little, my mother was incredibly abusive to me. Threatening my life, throwing me into walls….that kind of thing, all between ages 5-15.

    She used to tell me it was my fault because I was my father’s daughter and I was just a rotten, spoiled, no good little brat of a “____” (father’s last name).

    When I was older, my first husband was incredibly absuive, narcissistic, mysogonistic… And it’s no wonder I married a man like that, because I literally grew up with the idea I was no good imprinted on me.
    My ex husband used to tell me he loved me, but that I had to “behave better” or perform tasks a,b,c … To earn that love.
    When he belittled me, humiliatied me, threatened me… He told me it was because I deserved it or because I “made it so easy” for him because I was a “spineless jellyfish”.

    When I was angry or stood up to him and fought back, I was a bitchy, crazy bully. It’s amazing how he was completely innocent of all responsibility. Just like my mom. I was a shitty child for being born to my dad. (And my dad would tell me I was too much like my mother….so this was not just a 1 way thing) – all before I was 17… Then I married at 23 to an abuser.

    It’s all the same mentality- blame the victim for being able to be victimized and the bully/abuser is totally innocent because they would never have abused if the victim wasn’t such an easy target.

    Never going to change…it’s disgusting.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Carol anne says:

    Its heartbreaking. This story was all over our news too. My thoughts go out to her and her family. I agree with you on all points about the way women are portrayed and treated. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Pingback: In the news – Like world

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