I started writing this blog in 2014 October 4th to be exact. At that stage, I was still trying to cope with my mental health. I remember the desperation and frustation I was feeling.
The reason why I am writing this post, is I remember finding bloggers, who were further ahead in their mental health journey and I couldnt understand how they were dealing with their depression, anxiety, bipolar and I was a mess who struggled to take my 2 year old son out to the park.
In those 8 years, I have think I have bean sent to the emergency mental health team twice, dealt with disability benefits 4 times, moved twice and that 2 year old is now a fairly independent 10 year old.
I couldnt even see into the next day, sometimes the next hour, let alone into 8 years time and certainly couldnt see me working again and that frustration sometimes turned into anger, anger at myself, at my mental health and other people, that I pecieved to be dealing with their mental health better and a lot of them were.
But, what I didnt seem to think was how far ahead they were on their journey, I was just starting the dark days and struggling to find coping tools and at times I didnt want them I just wanted to stay in bed and not deal with any of the shit my mind was throwing at me.
I also didnt think this was normal, but now where I am, it was and if you are reading this and can barely get out of bed, then take this advice, it took me years to get as fucked up as I was, it will take years to sort out. It applies for everyone, most of us try to struggle on alone, going yeah I am fine and meanwhile you are fighting your own mind. Try and take a day, talk to a friend, a family member, a doctor, a stranger, a blogger friend, just someone that you can go, you know what I am not ok.
And the most important thing, dont worry what other people are doing, you are on your own journey sod what anyone else is doing, if getting dressed feels like climbing mount everest than celebrate doing it, take the small wins.
I am still massively struggling with my anxiety, but I have found my coping tools to deal with it, those include napping and hiding in a fort when it gets too much, feel free to use both or either.