You have to do what is best for you

I use to be really good friends with a group of women, we all met in the same place and became firm friends, but then as in a lot of friendships, it changed and in my case it ended with a lot of them.

It sounds a bit sudden and I suppose in a way it was. It was when I was going though a really rough patch, I had realised that maybe I had something other than depression, plus the fact I was going though a really down phase.

It made me difficult to deal with and I was taking dislike to people for no reason and lashing out, so I went and deleted them from facebook, chances were I wasn’t going to see them out and about, plus I was moving. I think out of a group of 13 I kept maybe 2 friends on facebook.

I don’t remember a lot of that time, but I remember at some stage being hurt that none of them ever got in contact with me again. Yes I was probably being a right bitch, but all of them were aware of my depression and the fact I was going through a really down turn.

I bet you are wondering why I brought it up, I rarely think of them now, however facebook and its lovely on this day reminded me, when a photo which  tagged if not all but most of us turned up yesterday and one of them went and shared it. I have no idea if they are all in contact with each other or not and for a moment I did wonder whether to join in the conversation that was going on.

However I am still not 100% with my mental health. Both poor M and C had to deal with me in a manic stage as I was going hundred miles an hour, jumping from subject to subject.

Also I am not sure how much I trust my memory that I wasn’t a complete bitch, while I could happily blame it on my mental health, I am not sure whether it was that completely and I am not ready, if ever to face that.

I am in the world, if they couldn’t handle me at my worse, they shouldn’t get the benefit of me at my best