The real cost of Bipolar

This one is hard to write, because it is totally my fault, I fucked up, Its my partner’s fault as well but its mainly mine, due to this fucking disease.

 

When I go manic, it normally involves me dropping everything, going up to London and spending a bomb.

Last time I did that I spent the rent money and we couldn’t return some of the stuff, like the £120 lunch. We were really screwed, we are already struggling, but this just about tipped us over the edge.

Our landlady owns only this property, she rents it out to add a bit to her pension, so by me not paying is screwing her and I couldn’t do that.

So we did the only thing we could do, which was get a car log loan, this is a massively expensive loan, which is secured on your car.

We hoped we could get some sort of social fund loan, that we could use to pay it off, at a lower interest rate. We were declined for everything, and we couldn’t afford the payments.

The bailiff came round this morning to take the car, this is due to me not owning up and putting my head in the sand.

I have no idea what to do now, they want over £800 to realise the car, it might be worth just letting it go to auction, I am not sure.

But this is the 2nd time something like this has happened and both times have been when I am manic and its horrible, I feel so irresponsible but at the times I just don’t care, or realise, I suppose.

While I dislike the lows I hate the highs, I seem to have less control over them than the lows and something happens.

Both of them take away from my family and while I always want to have a laugh, sometimes there is just no having a joke.