I am sick…….

Of being so angry of not being able to leave my house and it getting me so far and then I hit a massive wall of anxiety

Of being depressed

Of being on benefits and never knowing if this is the budget that is going to take me under the poverty linke

Of being manic one day to not being able to get out of bed the next

Of being so reliant on my patnership, we are meant to be a partnership not it being 80/20

Of being awake at 3am and thinking if I can just go to sleep now I can get three hours sleep

Of having a brain so full of anxiety it keeps me up worrying about things I did ten years ago

Of sick of worrying about things I cannot change

Of the paranoia that with each changing shrink I have told my mental health journey so well I can tell it word for word and if I don’t get it right I am making it up but if I say it word for word I have it rehearst

Of changing Shrinks

Of not being a normal mum

And most of all I am sick of feeling like I am the only fucking person on this planet not to be able to get pregnant



This entry was posted in Mental Health and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

37 Responses to I am sick…….

  1. garym6059 says:

    Sending Hammy over right now with a gigantic hug.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ioana says:

    You’re not alone…we’re all there…it’s the battlefield of the mind…
    I pray…I force myself to let it go and to trust. It’s the hardest thing and usually my last resort, unfortunately :).

    Liked by 2 people

  3. DaisyWillows says:

    Of being in general sucks right now 😦 better to let it out than keep all of it in. Huggs. xxx I don’t think there is normal Mom . Anyway . I hear you xx here is to better days 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sheila Moss says:

    I am sorry you are feeling so low today.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Simon says:

    Hey you *hugs* I can’t help and I have no advice, but you’re a great person and I hope good times are in store for you xo

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve been told “normal is just a setting on the dryer”. I think the word normal is a relative term. I hope you feel better.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Sometimes being angry helps us get stubborn in a good way. Got any time at least once a week for any volunteer work? It helps us get out of ourselves, out of that hole of deep depression.


    • I looked into volunteer work, as a ways of getting back into paid work. If I start volunteer work, it means I am well enough to start paid work and so all the benefits I am on stops bit of a catch 22 situation, I am still looking at other things the government offers that may help me,


  8. gm1123 says:

    What positives do you have in your life? I’m pulling for you for things to get better. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • my son is the greatest positive in my life 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • gm1123 says:

        I’m glad you found a star in your night sky. I don’t have children but I can imagine the love you have for him. Glad to hear it.

        My problem today: My boss was a rude, invalid bitch today. I’m waiting for the perfect time to talk to her. She is the leader of our workplace and does a terrible job at leading. Though I won’t tell her that, if I get the chance to talk to her I have to tell her how embarrassed she made me. And how rude she was to me. I dislike when people of authority think they can treat their lesser thans any kind of way. I hope I get the chance and the guts to tell her how I felt. I always seem to forget the shitty way people have treated me once I get good attention from them. I have to handle this the right way.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sending you lots of good thoughts. I am one of those people who will just blurt out how I feel regardless, which is normally not the best way. So I hope she listens to you and takes it on board


  9. Of course you’re not the only one who can’t get pregnant. But there are other channels. There are thousands of kids waiting for adoption. And they’re in dire need of a mom and/or a dad. Have y’all talked about that? I’m just curious. Not certain if I read about your partner much. Do they want more kids too?

    Liked by 1 person

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